If The Party Leaders Were Fine Wines What Wines Would They Be?

It has long been one's opinion that good leadership is a little like fine wine. One might quibble over the more contentious vintages, but when one is offered a glass of say - 1982 Chateau Pichon Longueville Lalande, then only a chump, or an Australian, might dismiss it as inferior. Fine wine, like good tailoring is "apparent". The same is true of great Prime Ministers. One only had to sniff Margaret Thatcher to know that one was in the presence of a truly great vintage. I am told that the same was true of Sir Alec Douglas-Home.

And so one's thoughts turn to our current crop of leaders. If they were to be rendered in liquid form, what shape might their bottles be? What grapes would be blended? What is their provenance? Should they be drunk now, or poured down the sink?

Mr Clegg. Limoncello
As a youth, I spent an ill advised weekend on the island of Capri with a group of school friends. Our A levels had been completed and we packed our lighter suits and 'headed south'. On the second night I was offered a glass of limoncello and in a moment of gay abandon drank it. The taste was filthy, the after effects catastrophic and one has never trusted yellow since.

Natalie Bennett. Organic Fairtrade Antipodean Wine.
If wine is labelled with any or all of  the above monikers it should not be touched. It may make you feel momentarily worthy, but it will give you a terrible headache.

Nigel Farage. Rioja.
Mr Farage has a certain appeal. With faint hints of tobacco and a certain depth he is, like a decent Rioja, perfectly drinkable. Indeed in some provincial towns a bottle of red Spanish wine might be seen as rather a sophisticated choice. Cheerful and affordable, Rioja is a grape that might certainly appeal to those who know nothing at all about wine; in much the same way that UKIP appeals to those who know absolutely nothing about politics.

'Ms' Sturgeon. Irn Bru.
I have never drunk it. I never intend to drink it. Let us all move swiftly on.

The Plaid Cymru lady. "House white"
Choose something else.

Mr Miliband. Camp coffee.
Camp coffee claims to be two things it isn't. Much like Mr Miliband and his "Labour" party.

David Cameron. 1985 Margaux
Approaching full maturity, this outstanding wine is both complex and dense. A deep plum/purple colour, sweet notes of blackcurrants and a delicate licorice after taste. Succulent and muli-layered it is good to drink now and should remain so for another five years.

In short, vote Margaux and ignore all inferior imitations.